When the Work Works on You: Normalizing Countertransference in the Therapy Room
Your feelings are not a flaw! They’re a compass.
As therapists, we’re trained to listen deeply, to attune, to reflect, to guide. But what happens when the session stirs something in us? When a client’s story opens a hidden door within our own? When their anger, silence, praise, or pain makes our chest tighten, our thoughts race, or our voice shrink?
That’s not a failure of professionalism. That’s countertransference…..and it’s not just normal, it’s sacred.
What Is Countertransference, Really?
Countertransference is the emotional response that a therapist has to a client. It can show up as tenderness, irritation, protectiveness, withdrawal, or even attraction. It’s a mirror that reveals where we, the space holders, are still tender or activated.
It’s the part of the work that reminds us: We’re human, too.
The Myth of the Neutral Therapist
Therapist training often idealizes objectivity and neutrality. But wholeness isn’t about being unaffected. It’s about being aware. Being a sacred container doesn’t mean we don’t feel. It means we stay grounded enough to witness our own responses without letting them lead the session.
Neutrality without reflection becomes suppression. But neutrality with awareness becomes embodied presence.
Countertransference Is a Portal, Not a Problem
Every time your nervous system whispers, “This feels familiar,” that’s an invitation to pause, get curious, and explore. Is this your stuff, their stuff, or something in-between?
When tended to with compassion, countertransference becomes a tool, not just for insight, but for growth. It’s how we learn our own edges. It’s how we become safer therapists. It’s how we transform from technicians into healers.
3 Ways to Hold Yourself With Compassion When It Shows Up
Pause with Purpose
Don’t panic. Get grounded. Take a breath. Make space in your body before rushing to interpret or react.Name It in the Sacred
In supervision or consultation, say: “Something came up for me in session, and I want to explore it.” This is not confession. It’s sacred stewardship.Let It Lead You (Gently)
Let the feeling guide you to your own inner work. Maybe it’s a wound asking to be witnessed. Maybe it’s a boundary that wants reinforcing. Honor what it’s showing you without judgment.
Final Reflection: You’re Not Broken. You’re Becoming.
Every healer has soft spots. Sacred bruises. Emotional fingerprints. The work will touch those places. Let it. Because when we heal, our capacity to hold others deepens.
So if you’ve ever walked out of a session feeling confused, heavy, or unsure……pause and bless that moment. It means the work is working on you, too.
And that’s the mark of a sacred therapist….not a perfect one.
If you’re a therapist learning how to navigate the emotional terrain of countertransference, you’re not alone. This is why I offer EMDR consultation rooted in compassion and sacred growth. Let’s explore the inner work behind the work…..together. Email me at arisetherapist@gmail.com to schedule your 15min complentary discovery call to explore ways I can support in becoming a rooted and grounded Certified EMDR therarapist.
